I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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