At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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