I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There r osticjed everywhere
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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