New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
