my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
