she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
