Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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