I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Mom said you looked used
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
