ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
