Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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