i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
where does the pee come out of this thing
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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