Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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