I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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