great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
