You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
