Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
