Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
