proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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