She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
