will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
