At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
