im drinking this country out of the recession.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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