$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
