I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's get the cat blown out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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