Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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