Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
