the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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