just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
