You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How does it feel to date your dad?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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