I wish I only lived at night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize