No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
