watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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