Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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