That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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