I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
50% drunk capacity currently
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
