he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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