I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
