Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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