I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
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