Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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