Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just high enough for therapy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
