Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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