I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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