when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize