she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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