Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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