He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize