I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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