I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
