Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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