you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
