im six kinds of drunk right now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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