how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
