no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize