He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
