the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
