Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i think my cat just said my name.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
