my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
