you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
