Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
