I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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