That's when you crack a 10am beer
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
