im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
