The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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