remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
