I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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