U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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