You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
