isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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