His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
