her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize