I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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