I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
