i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
