I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
