just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
